i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
