i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
