he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
