He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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