After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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