I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
