When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I want her autograph on my taint
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
