It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
