I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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