How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
