ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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