I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
