you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
