thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
