I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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