College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
