After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
