apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
false alarm, still single
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
