I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i came on her dog
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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