You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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