she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
