We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
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How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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