Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
