Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
