He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
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If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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