just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
