I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
