fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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