Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
