omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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