Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
