I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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