I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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