she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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