Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
