Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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