we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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