Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
