Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
