I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
only you would photoshop your dick
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
my liver is dry heaving
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
