So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
