hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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