I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
