So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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