It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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