Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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