We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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