need another drink. this is the easiest way
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
