I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
