wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Rumble strips road head = magical
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
