I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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