I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
