I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
