I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
