I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
