last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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