Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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