I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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