Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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