So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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