dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
