Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
bring money and cleavage
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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