He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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