this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
