he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
