party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
