I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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