I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
