May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm at about main and main street
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
