I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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