I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
