I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
