So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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