No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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