it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Drunk is not a location!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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