No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
