Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
