Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
