He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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