i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she peed on how many people?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
